Sunday, May 29, 2011

do you ever...

do you ever feel so full of thoughts that go so deep you're almost afraid to let them have any space, because once you start peering into them and sifting through them you'll suddenly find that there is no bottom to this pool. so you maybe avoid them... or squelch them... and it works sometimes, and the bustle of life helps it work.

but then it gets real quiet. like... on a saturday that started out with blue skies that changed into churning black clouds with hail and lightning and thunder. and it's a beautiful sort of noisy outside... but inside... inside of you.... it's quiet. and the pool is there... and all those thoughts start rising... and suddenly it's hard to find higher ground to stand on.. where you can keep entirely dry of the full, deep thoughts.

and then you consider just dipping your toe into the thought pool. or maybe even diving right in. it's not so much fun to run away from thinking... cause full, deep thinking sometimes has much to do with full, deep feeling.

sometimes... in stringing words together, I can find a certain... rhythm to the chaos called my mind. I journal a lot. and even more so during those times when I'm swimming in the pool of thoughts. I find that it often helps put things in perspective... or bring a semblance of order. or help me come to terms with a total lack of order. sometimes I write in circles. but it's okay I think. anyway... I think I've been quiet in this, the blog world, because I've been so full of thoughts. and they're much too scattered for even me to sort into a coherent word-flow. and maybe too deep.

but. I need to remember that deep is not always a bad thing.