he's still kickin'....

well.. it seems that old man winter finally woke up. i don't mean finally like i was really waiting and starting to feel sad that he hadn't come..... no... i mean finally.... as in i was nearly starting to hope he'd sleep on through these months altogether. we had some nice snow. and a couple sort of cold... er... type days. and it was nice. this. this is the winter i am all too familiar with. the canadian winter that comes ever so rudely and causes me to wonder.... why, oh why are people residing here... in this country.... when the air hurts to inhale because it freezes your lungs a little bit? and why, oh why do i hear canadian geese as i'm typing? tell me if you know.

but. did you know this: the snow starts to make a sound when it gets this cold. when you walk on it... or even drive on it... you can hear the crunch.... moan... crunch crunch. and maybe this makes me a nerd or a hypocrite (what with me hating the bitter cold) but i love that sound. also... sometimes when it's this cold.... there's a ring around the moon that is ever so enchanting. i also love looking over the city when it's this cold.... you can see all the little columns of ... of... smoke... ? gases...? whatever the columns are comprised of.... you can see them all drifting in perfect unison. whichever way the wind may bend them. and i know it probably represents a serious lack of "green-thinking" which i am normally all for.... but it just looks so very cozy. and... safe or something.

i think those are really the only nice things i have to say about the bitter cold. you see, i love winter (for a time not as long as it usually is) but i despise the bitter cold. (except for the things mentioned above.) and i love-love summer. so...

but winter is (without the bitter cold) so romantic. let's be honest here. it brings a completely transforming beauty to the familiar. the delicate frost that clings even to the abandoned cobwebs. the diamond dust snow that swirls in a dance orchestrated  by unseen hands. the naked trees cloak themselves in white. the ice sculpts itself into works of art along the river banks.

and so on.

back.

and so. it's been far too long and i've been missing this without even realizing it i suppose. i left on a rather dreary note, or so it sounds (it wasn't meant to sound quite as murky as it probably did) ..... but.. c'est la vie. you don't appreciate the sunshine quite as fully without the days of rain. i think we all need days of rain. they deepen the soul and show us our desperate need for a rock. my Rock has been unfailingly sturdy. its funny how you can know that your whole life maybe. and its just as true ten years ago as it is now. but the way you know it can change. and maybe sometimes you need to re-learn that truth again. and again..... and even again it seems. so the rain waters us. refreshes us. and we need it even. and i can even appreciate them. but sometimes, i still get tired of the rainy days. call me shallow if you will, but i prefer the sunshine days in my life. the sunshine feeds me and seems to warm my very heart. but now i can strive to take each sunny day as a gift and savor it.

well now. enough of that. on to more pressing matters...

i like vegetables. and i like vegetables so much more with ranch. i don't like that i like vegetables so much more with ranch. it seems..... superficial. or something. but, every time you put a veggie platter in front of me with dip... i'm going to dip. guaranteed. and i'll probably even watch you to see if you think double-dipping is socially acceptable. even if i know its probably not.

at this moment, i'm sitting in the lodge. being that person who's hanging out and loving the noisy quiet and nerding out by reading and writing and thinking lots and looking at the beautiful winter colors and studying the design of the fog dancing across the treetops. i'm here with the school so in my defense it's a different sort of ski day than i'd normally do. and when i say normally i mean once this winter and then about four years ago since the second last time. i enjoy "hitting the slops" (notice my cool snowboarder lingo) a couple times a season and then i'm good. my ski hill tank is full. i like being outside.... so long as it's not freezing. i like going fast.... as long as i don't feel out of control. but probably my favorite thing is going with friends. i can't really see myself ever just going by myself to "be one with the hill".... yeah... no. not me. anyway. i'm glad to be here today. it was so gross outside when we got here, but now the blue sky is showing it's lovely smiling face. we've been so spoiled this winter.

i think i need to learn how to make my writing flow better. it's always so choppy and sporadic. or i could embrace it. call it my "style".... also.... i need to learn how to write interesting things. or write about boring things interestingly. i like doing that. but sometimes i don't like that i'm not always good at it.

my roommate and i have been housesitting AND babysitting three lovely children since a week ago this past wednesday. pretty much playing established parents. taking the kids to soccer.... making supper... doing laundry.... giving baths.... breaking up fights.... it's been fun. that sounds sarcastic but i'm being entirely sincere. don't get me wrong.... i'm excited to be going back to my home tonight.... but this has been pretty great. i've been thinking a lot about how parenting is designed to work. it's ideally designed that you are with someone who is committed to you and you to them. you have a history together and a mutual respect. you can be a team. then, when you find out that you're going to be parents you'll have at least nine months to try to wrap your head around that reality... (more if you've been planning for this) and then. when you first have to be a parent... for reals... the baby can only eat, poop, cry, sleep. and repeat. and as they grow, you can too. you can grow into the parenting role that is required of you. how lovely. it's just so wonderfully thought out and orchestrated. and even though i love these kids, i'm glad i can give them back.

thats all the pressing news that i'm willing to share with you today. i hope you wear a smile today. the kind you see in dental advertisements.