found one.

i found something to say!

you may not care. well then... you stop reading. you stop it right now. and go home. or go write a blog about blonde girls who writes about dumb things.

blogger has changed a lot since i last used it. after my last post, i was clicking around... checking things out. trying to keep up with technology. you can see how many times your page has been viewed. and what country it was viewed from. and let me tell you. interesting.... v-e-r-y interesting.

it shows me that in the last week, there were six page views from Canada. three page views from the United States. okay... sounds about right. i'm almost surprised it's so many.

but i have a question. why have there been twenty-two page views from Russia.
in.
the.
last.
week.
twenty-two. look how many letters it takes to write out that big of a number. twenty-two. Russia.

something to think about as i go to sleep i guess. don't worry. i have a glock under my pillow.

help!

i need help! i'm having writer's block.... in my entire life! i haven't written in my journal in forever (but that's a bit of a different situation anyway) and i haven't blogged either. obviously. i haven't taken my camera for a walk. i haven't drawn, or painted... or knit or baked! what's happening to me? will it always be like this!? my creativity is evaporating. i'm actually not that concerned.... i feel like it's mostly just a matter of re-arranging life and making savoring life and creating more of a priority. also i think i've been savoring different areas of life. different doesn't have to be bad. so you needn't worry too much. but maybe a little much.

but let's just focus on the blogging thing here. i. feel. like. i. have. nothing. to. say. well, nothing anyone really cares to hear about anyway.... (myself included) i mean, sure, i could ramble about something... i'm sure of it. but. there is already so much noise. so many people sharing their knowledge and opinions and creativity. so many people sharing their complaints and joys. it's all been said. or in this case, written. typed. you don't care to know what i ate for breakfast. (well, maybe you do... and that's real sweet of you) you've seen the funny youtube video. you've heard more opinions than care to... on guns.. and the hobbit... and photo radar... and colored jeans. you've tried that nice tea. you've heard 1,000,000 new years resolutions and you don't agree with them anyway. you don't want to know what books i'm reading. you don't need any more new music and if you did we might have very different taste. you saw a pretty sunset too. you smelled coffee and were transported to another world for the briefest of moments.

also, i don't really think anyone reads this... well, probably my mom. but it's easy to not write when it feels like you have nothing to say and no one to say it to. i suppose the point of blogging for myself was really just that... for myself. but obviously i'm putting it out there for people to read. i guess it can be a way of keeping in touch with the loved ones who are far off. but.. i mean, really. how deep will i get in a blog post. at this point, not very. although, who knows. the words may flow and flow and suddenly... we're in. real deep.

but the words aren't flowing. i probably just need to begin. but that's always the hardest part.

inspire me.... ?

new ringtone.

i made a new ringtone for my phone tonight! you may not consider this to be a very big accomplishment. but.... i'm not the techie in the family... my brother is. i'm quite capable (usually) but just not as "into" it as some other people i know... and i usually just let the "into" it people be... you know... "into" it... and i can stay out of it. and it still gets done. it's handy. but tonight i made a ringtone. all by myself. well.... i suppose i had a little youtube help. anyway... it's quite simple. here's the video i used. and i chose to use the first 28 seconds of "talk of the town" by jack johnson. i'm sure there's a way to link those 28 seconds here, but i don't want to overkill my tech-learning abilities. so if you care to hear it, you can call me when you're with me, or do your own researching.

also... i'm thinking about printing instagram photos... and doing something with them... i kind of like some of them... you know? any ideas? also.... and has anyone compared instagram and hipstagram? i'm thinking about giving histagram a whirl... but i love instagram. danny_elle .... feel free to browse.

( i don't think i have enough readers to shout out random questions.... sooo .... cheryl.. :) what do YOU think..?)

and last also... well, maybe the last one... mmm.. maybe not..? maybe-last-also: television. i'm not a big fan. actually... not really a fan at all. we don't have cable and i don't miss it at all. i'm not even kidding. i have never wished... not even once... that we had cable. i have been cable free for about two and a half years. it's just the best. working at the library helps... i can grab a dvd series if i want of what i want. and watch it when i want. it still doesn't happen that often, what with life being busy, and i usually have other things i enjoy doing (like reading) or should be doing (like cleaning). but.... BUT.... if you want to watch a wonderful series.... then you should watch this one. it's called "pushing daisies".  it's only two seasons long (which is good i think.. it could have gotten dull if it was any longer). and it's so unique. there's a narrator with an accent and the main characters wear swell outfits. it's sort of about death, but so lighthearted. so.... a happy morbid... ? i'm not into gore at all. blehhh. so believe me when i say it's oddly lighthearted. i just... really enjoyed it. and i want you to enjoy it too. it's so different from other tv. which is a plus in my eyes.

and finally. (honest) yesterday, we went to the phoenix public library. wow. just.... wow. wow. wow. we originally went there because my mom saw on some website out there in webland that they have some special sort of l.e.d. lights in the bathroom. we only had about 20 minutes to explore and it just so happened that the lights were broken. we managed to find a couple that were working in the last 2 minutes, but honestly, they were... nothing to blog home about. but the rest of that library was..... utterly fan.tas.tic. i ran up to the fifth floor... the top floor. i was like a kid in a candy store... a librarian in a library. so... let me list a few of the ways they are amazing.
-the have these like.... parking shelter things here. i guess it gets so hot that a lot of the shopping centers that don't have park-aides have a sort of car port roof over the whole row of parked cars. but. the library goes beyond that. they have solar panels on all of them. and why wouldn't they?! brilliant.
-two of the four sides of the five story building are windows walls. not walls with windows. windows are the walls. so you have this amazing view of the city AND heaps of natural light. brilliant.
-they have these little glass "study rooms" so you can have a quiet place to study. because, contrary to popular belief, the library is not a quiet place so much these days.
-they have inspirational quotes painted on the hall when you walk in. you know... about reading and important things like that.
-they have put big numbers on the sides of the shelving units (in addition to the dewy-decimal numbers). so instead of trying to explain the dewy-decimal system, they can simply say, "isle 32". easy.
-oh! oh! oh! when summer solstice happens the light comes in these skylights at just the right angle to hit these cement pillars and they look like GIGANTIC candles with a little flame lit on the top. and they only use minimal lighting... above all the super-tidy-and-not-overly-crowded-shelves. and over desks. and by nifty couches.
-they've figured out how to make self-check-outs seamless. this is a big deal.

and i could probably go on and on. more than i already have. but i only had twenty minutes to be amazed. here's a couple photos for you. the little person is my mom.

mall.

i'm not usually that much of a mall person. i can go months without visiting the mall in my hometown. i lovelovelove to not spend heaps of money on clothes. yep, this girl, right here, loves ross and value village and such. love the deals, love the uniqueness. so overall, not too much of a mall person. BUT when i'm on holidays, we usually hit up a mall or two. today we went to a very... "posh" mall. when there are fresh flowers on the tables in the food court... well, you know you should have brushed your hair. maybe brought out the fake diamonds. we all decided to meet back at the "food court" in an hour. i went off and found the most affordable shop.... forever 21. and was totally overwhelmed.

lately i've been discovering this.... problem i have. i've been discovering that i have... oh i don't know.... ocd tendencies....? or we could just say i have a touch of quirkiness..? i've been noticing it in lots of areas... varying degrees. and mostly, i can shrug off or ignore the little thoughts pulling on my arm and demanding my attention. maybe i can expand on some of the other "quirks" another time. maybe it will get it out of my system to logically type it out and see how silly it all is. maybe? anyway.

i seem to need to "attack" a store... peruse..... browse... whatever.... in a ... thorough sort of way. go up and down the isles... front to back... left to right. and when i'm not able to use this system or it's really hard to implement.... i get... hm. i suppose i get stressed out. or something. like i might be missing things and didn't i already look down this rack and ooh, what about that one over there.. i totally missed that one! and i actually need to tell myself that it's not that big of a deal at all and chill out. if i'm supposed to find something, i will. and i have really a lot of things already and don't even need anything anyway and it's just fun to browse.

but... tell me. does anybody else out there get what i'm saying? or am i probably just verging on crazy. i think i'm verging!

so i spent the hour in forever 21 and came out with a pair of earrings. well, three actually. they came in the little set and you buy the little set because you like one of the three pairs of earrings. three pairs for under $4. worth it.

i would also just like to say. malls can be scary places. this is part of the reason why:
-the music is too loud and made for dancing not shopping. i've recently discovered i lovelovelove dancing. (thank-you "just dance") well, maybe i've always known it, but it's fun-ness has been recently magnified. so this music in the store is booming and i just want to be in my friends living room rocking out. in that setting, i like it. here, in the mall... it's like... they're trying to say "hurry, buy things, be cool, hurry hurry" and i strongly dislike that.
-the smells can be strong. walking past ambercrombie and fitch will probably give you a headache.
-when prices aren't advertised so you can see them whilst walking past, they're too high. just don't even be lured in.
-the models in the ads. okay so. if they're not... mmm... scandalous, they're scary in other ways. like... very skinny... and mad at you. i'd be mad too i guess if i was that skinny. i get grumpy enough if i don't eat every few hours.

but today, there were also lots of people who were kinder than their job required them to be. that was nice. so lesson. malls can be scary. but take heart. there are good people and cute earrings to be found.

another lesson from today. having the privilege to bake by the pool like a mud pie in august is an exceptionally wonderful gift.

a grand day.

this was a BIG part of my day.....

some people believe this piece of art has developed over the past... oh i don't know... billion years or so. cute. but utterly ridiculous. i hope they grow out of that.

while we were on the shuttle bus, a couple deer waltzed across the road. they must have felt like royalty. everyone (except me and my very Albertan family) was letting out little gasps of exclamation and excitement. and a half a dozen "awww"s. i was glad for them that they could be so awed by a couple deer. i actually love deer.... i think they're so graceful and elegant. but... after seeing.... like one million... well, the gasps of excitement are reserved for other things these days.

the grand canyon is entirely grand. "grand" hardly seems adequate. it should be called "the exquisite canyon". maybe. or the "God-clearly-designed-this canyon". my mom accurately pointed out that this was the rocky mountains.... inverted.

simply stunning.

you try to take pictures that would do it justice. and fail miserably. if this ever happens to you... please just know you're not failing due to a lack of talent... no, it's due to the vast.... vastness... and grandness... and... and... general big-impressive-stunningness. all that refuses to be captured inside your lens.

today i heard the sound of the winds charging and parading and rushing and hurrah-ing through the grand canyon. i peered over the edge and felt the gusts woosh around me, press against me. suggest pushing me over that  edge.

and i felt so small.

i think it's healthy for us to remember we are small.
we are oh-so-small. and we cannot survive in this big world with it's bigger issues and storms and even biggest delights. it's all too much. and we are so small. we need Someone who is BIG. more, way more than big enough. so big, He chiseled the vast... grandeur.. of the grand canyon. He chose the shades that would delight the eye. He designed plants and wildlife that could thrive there. He is.... quite impressive. to say the most very least. so He's BIG... and we're small. but... in His eyes... we are significant. He wants to cradle us during the storms. we.... we are the apple of His eye. His best work of art. His most precious treasure. how marvelous?!

go to the canyon of grandeur. take your camera if you like. and remember again how small you are. it's wonderful.

lately i've been ruthless.

so lately i've sort of been..... ruthless. i don't mean to say what's already been said what seems like a million times before... so we'll just not linger on this part. i'm too busy. lately, it's not always... i think i'm getting better... but often, i'm still to busy. and so.... on to the part we can linger about.... i've been ruthless. you see, my room. well.... it's.... hm.... totally stressing me out. there's really no other way to go about saying it. it is a total disaster. and it's my room! that place where I'm supposed to be abel to go and unwind. relax. crack open a good book. maybe lounge around and sip some licorice spice tea (which is the best tea ever and if you don't agree... well then you're just wrong about that and i suppose that's alright). and instead, i walk into my room. look all around it. and want to cry. i have, in the past, blamed the size of my room for the mess that grows within it. you see, i live in a two bedroom apartment. with a roommate. not even the same roommate i moved in with in the first place... (the first one got married and moved away.... i'm not a roommate killer... honest!) so there're two bedrooms. they don't make any sense at all. one of them is huge. and like.... i really do mean huge. it's.... huge. and the other one.... well... isn't. huge that is. so guess which one i got. mhmmm. so i guess it's all my fault really. when my first roommate and i found this place, i said it didn't matter which room i had.... only a fool would do something like that. my first roommate is not a fool. she is wise and kind even. she took the big room... but offered to maybe switch with me after six months. ha. we both had good intentions, but by the time the months had flown by, it just seemed so silly to go to all the hassle of switching around all the furniture. also... she had much larger furniture than i and there is no way in the world it would have all fit in my bitty room. okay. it's fine. really. then... i get a new roommate. my good friend, tiana. she wouldn't mind me talking about this 'cause i razz her about it in real life too. she just says she'll move out (with a smile on her face) or really any other excuse that she can think up. so we joke and it's all fun and good laughs and she knows that in all seriousness.... i would kill to have that room. okay... not kill.... but ... maybe drug and lock in a closet. yeah, i guess i didn't mention. she got the big room. i don't know why i let it happen. it just did i guess. it was the empty room, you know? terrible. also... she has a big bed. i need to buy myself a big bed. the biggest bed. i could go on and on and on.... about how the sun floods the whole room all afternoon. and how ... well, actually that's it. size and sun. but i won't.... i won't go on about it.

because that's not really the point. the point is that my little room is such a mess and i'm trying to fix it. did you know that often... when you fix something.... it gets worse before it gets better...? oh. well.... in case you didn't know that.... it does. so here we are... i'm all... "woo.. i have a couple hours of spare time.... lets clean this thing!" and i really did mean clean. so i stripped the sheets off to wash them... then i thought.. it's spring. i'm going to spring clean. so i continued. boom. mattress cover. off. bed skirt... off. winter blanket.. off. and boom. into the laundry. the whole lot of it. and boom... vacuuming under the bed. boom... go through bags of old dress up clothes that i've had to accept responsibility for since my parents are renovating their basement and since i don't live there anymore and now for some reason they don't want a "dress-up closet" anymore. psh. what's that about? anyway. suddenly... i'm out of time, and the disaster that is called my room has only grown. like a nasty fungus on some vegetable you forgot about in the "crisper" drawer. and now you don't even recognize it. the vegetable, nor my room. so it's stressy, but i did for sure make some progress. like, i threw out an entire garbage bag (like the big black ones) of "memories". i told you.... ruthless. but i read in this book a few months ago that when people are weeding through stuff they should only keep: things that add beauty, things that are useful, and things that have a special meaning to you now. that now part was a big part of the garbage bag filling. i have all these shoe boxes that i have called since i started (so since i was like five) my "specials box". but seriously.... the things that were in them. let's just say that i started with six boxes and got down to probably less than one. i have no reason to keep every birthday card, and thank-you note i've ever received. i mean, i DID keep the extra, extra special ones. but i also did throw away probably a ka-ba-jillion. and i went through everything before throwing it out, and it was fun to see some of that old stuff. but also.... freeing to throw it out. it's like i got to remember some of those things for the first time in... years and it was nice but now i'm throwing them out and have no obligation to try to remember and cherish these six boxes of sort of special things. i don't have to keep all those yc books. surprise. i don't have to keep my camp counselor guidebook. all like... five of them. my room is on it's way, even though it doesn't feel that way. it's on it's way because i'm ruthless. it's wonderful.

this ruthlessness is carrying on into other areas too. so... i knew facebook would eventually force me to switch to timeline. i just KNEW it. and i thought i should do it while it's my choice so i like it more. yeah, a mental trick on my own mind. but i didn't. too resistant to change i guess. i didn't really care to give the time to re-learn facebook. anyway. it's happening now. my facebook profile shows up in timeline mode to me and i have the option to switch now or wait until it happens on april 13th or something. i just knew it. so, i now have the urge to tidy up my facebook. some of those pictures out there, i just don't need to be tagged it, you know. i removed myself from two hundred photos the other night. and i know there's still way too many. like multiples and such. it's a good feeling to see that number go down. it just gets out of date and i need to make room for more current photos.

anyway. i'm totally rambling. but it's allowed... i'm on vacation. you can expect more posts thanks to that delightful fact. good morning and have an extraordinary day.

he's still kickin'....

well.. it seems that old man winter finally woke up. i don't mean finally like i was really waiting and starting to feel sad that he hadn't come..... no... i mean finally.... as in i was nearly starting to hope he'd sleep on through these months altogether. we had some nice snow. and a couple sort of cold... er... type days. and it was nice. this. this is the winter i am all too familiar with. the canadian winter that comes ever so rudely and causes me to wonder.... why, oh why are people residing here... in this country.... when the air hurts to inhale because it freezes your lungs a little bit? and why, oh why do i hear canadian geese as i'm typing? tell me if you know.

but. did you know this: the snow starts to make a sound when it gets this cold. when you walk on it... or even drive on it... you can hear the crunch.... moan... crunch crunch. and maybe this makes me a nerd or a hypocrite (what with me hating the bitter cold) but i love that sound. also... sometimes when it's this cold.... there's a ring around the moon that is ever so enchanting. i also love looking over the city when it's this cold.... you can see all the little columns of ... of... smoke... ? gases...? whatever the columns are comprised of.... you can see them all drifting in perfect unison. whichever way the wind may bend them. and i know it probably represents a serious lack of "green-thinking" which i am normally all for.... but it just looks so very cozy. and... safe or something.

i think those are really the only nice things i have to say about the bitter cold. you see, i love winter (for a time not as long as it usually is) but i despise the bitter cold. (except for the things mentioned above.) and i love-love summer. so...

but winter is (without the bitter cold) so romantic. let's be honest here. it brings a completely transforming beauty to the familiar. the delicate frost that clings even to the abandoned cobwebs. the diamond dust snow that swirls in a dance orchestrated  by unseen hands. the naked trees cloak themselves in white. the ice sculpts itself into works of art along the river banks.

and so on.

back.

and so. it's been far too long and i've been missing this without even realizing it i suppose. i left on a rather dreary note, or so it sounds (it wasn't meant to sound quite as murky as it probably did) ..... but.. c'est la vie. you don't appreciate the sunshine quite as fully without the days of rain. i think we all need days of rain. they deepen the soul and show us our desperate need for a rock. my Rock has been unfailingly sturdy. its funny how you can know that your whole life maybe. and its just as true ten years ago as it is now. but the way you know it can change. and maybe sometimes you need to re-learn that truth again. and again..... and even again it seems. so the rain waters us. refreshes us. and we need it even. and i can even appreciate them. but sometimes, i still get tired of the rainy days. call me shallow if you will, but i prefer the sunshine days in my life. the sunshine feeds me and seems to warm my very heart. but now i can strive to take each sunny day as a gift and savor it.

well now. enough of that. on to more pressing matters...

i like vegetables. and i like vegetables so much more with ranch. i don't like that i like vegetables so much more with ranch. it seems..... superficial. or something. but, every time you put a veggie platter in front of me with dip... i'm going to dip. guaranteed. and i'll probably even watch you to see if you think double-dipping is socially acceptable. even if i know its probably not.

at this moment, i'm sitting in the lodge. being that person who's hanging out and loving the noisy quiet and nerding out by reading and writing and thinking lots and looking at the beautiful winter colors and studying the design of the fog dancing across the treetops. i'm here with the school so in my defense it's a different sort of ski day than i'd normally do. and when i say normally i mean once this winter and then about four years ago since the second last time. i enjoy "hitting the slops" (notice my cool snowboarder lingo) a couple times a season and then i'm good. my ski hill tank is full. i like being outside.... so long as it's not freezing. i like going fast.... as long as i don't feel out of control. but probably my favorite thing is going with friends. i can't really see myself ever just going by myself to "be one with the hill".... yeah... no. not me. anyway. i'm glad to be here today. it was so gross outside when we got here, but now the blue sky is showing it's lovely smiling face. we've been so spoiled this winter.

i think i need to learn how to make my writing flow better. it's always so choppy and sporadic. or i could embrace it. call it my "style".... also.... i need to learn how to write interesting things. or write about boring things interestingly. i like doing that. but sometimes i don't like that i'm not always good at it.

my roommate and i have been housesitting AND babysitting three lovely children since a week ago this past wednesday. pretty much playing established parents. taking the kids to soccer.... making supper... doing laundry.... giving baths.... breaking up fights.... it's been fun. that sounds sarcastic but i'm being entirely sincere. don't get me wrong.... i'm excited to be going back to my home tonight.... but this has been pretty great. i've been thinking a lot about how parenting is designed to work. it's ideally designed that you are with someone who is committed to you and you to them. you have a history together and a mutual respect. you can be a team. then, when you find out that you're going to be parents you'll have at least nine months to try to wrap your head around that reality... (more if you've been planning for this) and then. when you first have to be a parent... for reals... the baby can only eat, poop, cry, sleep. and repeat. and as they grow, you can too. you can grow into the parenting role that is required of you. how lovely. it's just so wonderfully thought out and orchestrated. and even though i love these kids, i'm glad i can give them back.

thats all the pressing news that i'm willing to share with you today. i hope you wear a smile today. the kind you see in dental advertisements.