lately i've been ruthless.

so lately i've sort of been..... ruthless. i don't mean to say what's already been said what seems like a million times before... so we'll just not linger on this part. i'm too busy. lately, it's not always... i think i'm getting better... but often, i'm still to busy. and so.... on to the part we can linger about.... i've been ruthless. you see, my room. well.... it's.... hm.... totally stressing me out. there's really no other way to go about saying it. it is a total disaster. and it's my room! that place where I'm supposed to be abel to go and unwind. relax. crack open a good book. maybe lounge around and sip some licorice spice tea (which is the best tea ever and if you don't agree... well then you're just wrong about that and i suppose that's alright). and instead, i walk into my room. look all around it. and want to cry. i have, in the past, blamed the size of my room for the mess that grows within it. you see, i live in a two bedroom apartment. with a roommate. not even the same roommate i moved in with in the first place... (the first one got married and moved away.... i'm not a roommate killer... honest!) so there're two bedrooms. they don't make any sense at all. one of them is huge. and like.... i really do mean huge. it's.... huge. and the other one.... well... isn't. huge that is. so guess which one i got. mhmmm. so i guess it's all my fault really. when my first roommate and i found this place, i said it didn't matter which room i had.... only a fool would do something like that. my first roommate is not a fool. she is wise and kind even. she took the big room... but offered to maybe switch with me after six months. ha. we both had good intentions, but by the time the months had flown by, it just seemed so silly to go to all the hassle of switching around all the furniture. also... she had much larger furniture than i and there is no way in the world it would have all fit in my bitty room. okay. it's fine. really. then... i get a new roommate. my good friend, tiana. she wouldn't mind me talking about this 'cause i razz her about it in real life too. she just says she'll move out (with a smile on her face) or really any other excuse that she can think up. so we joke and it's all fun and good laughs and she knows that in all seriousness.... i would kill to have that room. okay... not kill.... but ... maybe drug and lock in a closet. yeah, i guess i didn't mention. she got the big room. i don't know why i let it happen. it just did i guess. it was the empty room, you know? terrible. also... she has a big bed. i need to buy myself a big bed. the biggest bed. i could go on and on and on.... about how the sun floods the whole room all afternoon. and how ... well, actually that's it. size and sun. but i won't.... i won't go on about it.

because that's not really the point. the point is that my little room is such a mess and i'm trying to fix it. did you know that often... when you fix something.... it gets worse before it gets better...? oh. well.... in case you didn't know that.... it does. so here we are... i'm all... "woo.. i have a couple hours of spare time.... lets clean this thing!" and i really did mean clean. so i stripped the sheets off to wash them... then i thought.. it's spring. i'm going to spring clean. so i continued. boom. mattress cover. off. bed skirt... off. winter blanket.. off. and boom. into the laundry. the whole lot of it. and boom... vacuuming under the bed. boom... go through bags of old dress up clothes that i've had to accept responsibility for since my parents are renovating their basement and since i don't live there anymore and now for some reason they don't want a "dress-up closet" anymore. psh. what's that about? anyway. suddenly... i'm out of time, and the disaster that is called my room has only grown. like a nasty fungus on some vegetable you forgot about in the "crisper" drawer. and now you don't even recognize it. the vegetable, nor my room. so it's stressy, but i did for sure make some progress. like, i threw out an entire garbage bag (like the big black ones) of "memories". i told you.... ruthless. but i read in this book a few months ago that when people are weeding through stuff they should only keep: things that add beauty, things that are useful, and things that have a special meaning to you now. that now part was a big part of the garbage bag filling. i have all these shoe boxes that i have called since i started (so since i was like five) my "specials box". but seriously.... the things that were in them. let's just say that i started with six boxes and got down to probably less than one. i have no reason to keep every birthday card, and thank-you note i've ever received. i mean, i DID keep the extra, extra special ones. but i also did throw away probably a ka-ba-jillion. and i went through everything before throwing it out, and it was fun to see some of that old stuff. but also.... freeing to throw it out. it's like i got to remember some of those things for the first time in... years and it was nice but now i'm throwing them out and have no obligation to try to remember and cherish these six boxes of sort of special things. i don't have to keep all those yc books. surprise. i don't have to keep my camp counselor guidebook. all like... five of them. my room is on it's way, even though it doesn't feel that way. it's on it's way because i'm ruthless. it's wonderful.

this ruthlessness is carrying on into other areas too. so... i knew facebook would eventually force me to switch to timeline. i just KNEW it. and i thought i should do it while it's my choice so i like it more. yeah, a mental trick on my own mind. but i didn't. too resistant to change i guess. i didn't really care to give the time to re-learn facebook. anyway. it's happening now. my facebook profile shows up in timeline mode to me and i have the option to switch now or wait until it happens on april 13th or something. i just knew it. so, i now have the urge to tidy up my facebook. some of those pictures out there, i just don't need to be tagged it, you know. i removed myself from two hundred photos the other night. and i know there's still way too many. like multiples and such. it's a good feeling to see that number go down. it just gets out of date and i need to make room for more current photos.

anyway. i'm totally rambling. but it's allowed... i'm on vacation. you can expect more posts thanks to that delightful fact. good morning and have an extraordinary day.